No friends??No life low self esteem. I'm 19 and almost turning 20 (girl) advice.?

First, I have no confidence and low self esteem. Ever since i can remember my mom has always told me names over my weight. She complained but never done anything about it cause i started gaining at 5 years old. Still today she says it's my fault cause i ate because i wanted too. Now i think back then it was her fault cause she was my parent. But now i feel it's my fault but it's so hard for me to lose weight. I need to lose 40-48 pounds. Also since middle school i have had horrible acne, and till this day i still have and worse scars. I hate my appearance, and i just can't accept it until i change it. I guess i made a mistake to keep my high school friends. I thought our group would always stay close. But that's not true, we are separating, while I end up alone. I have friends but not friends you hang out with. Friends who you go to the movies with. Friends you hang out in the mall. Friends who invite you to places. I always hanged out with my close group but soon is going to end. I have very bad anxiety. I been diagnose with Anxiety disorder. (social anxiety too) I don't know what to do. I feel like soon I will have no one. Yet I don't want to lose my group, it's inevitable. I always try to make plans with them but never happens and now most of the time they want to smoke weed, (i tried it but didn't like it)I been trying to focus on myself and acne and weight loss. But it's so difficult cause i always end up failing. ALWAYS. and I'm SICK and TIRED. I know i need to be patient. But I'm a very inpatient person. I hate my life. I know i shouldn't be complain my life could be so much worse. But i don't know what to do. I hate my life i hate how i look i hate that i don't have any real friends I hate that i can't lose weight. I just want to change. But why is it so hard. I don't want to turn 20 and weigh this weight anymore, I don't want to have the same amount of acne that i have right now. I'm tired of being this way. But i have no idea what to do. Just please give me advice.